How conditional love disempowers and what you can do about it.

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Dr. Valerie Baker holds a PHD in Transpersonal Psychology from The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology at Sofia University. She has found business success with a new method of healing called Heart Talk Yoga® which is a holistic, continuously expanding compilation of technologies for consciousness transformation sourced from yoga, psychology, and spirituality, and organized into a comprehensive system. This system is based on my research on transformation, my personal experience, and my privilege of helping thousands of people transform common unhappiness into uncommon happiness by breaking through the old level of consciousness that created their problems.


This article has been re-blogged from her website blog

What’s wrong with you? This is one of my favorite topics lately.

I have a talk called “Reclaiming Your Truth: Breaking the Seven Spells that Keep You Settling for Less than Your Most Fulfilled, Happy, and Abundant Life.” There are seven of these spells. These are the ways in which society conditions us to keep the lid on our light and keep the lid on our talents to keep playing small.

Spell Two: Conditional Love

One of them, spell number two, is conditional love. Early on, we learn the rules of the game. We learn what we need to do to be a good girl, or a good boy. I’m talking mostly to girls now because I am one, so I just have more intel on that experience.
If you do a, b, and c, you’re a good girl. If you look a certain way, if you act a certain way, if you think a certain way, if you plan your life a certain way, you’re a good girl, a good woman, and if you don’t, you’re not. Good girls get unconditional love, and that gets reinforced, and those who are not … Well, who dares not to be a good girl?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we all get started trying to be a good girl. Right or wrong? Then we enter into this space of, “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I’m not that.” And so the reclamation begins.

Reclamation Party

Today we’re going to have a reclamation party, a power reclamation party. We’re going to share what’s wrong with us according to the messages that we received growing up from parents, the society, etc. I’m going to share a few with you.

This was inspired by the work I did recently with a client. We had a gorgeous VIP day. We dove in very deeply into the deep pockets of these experiences. It came as a divine inspiration, once we wrote down everything that’s wrong with her, to reclaim these things as strengths.

Once on paper, it became so obvious that this was at the core of her mission, her work, and her badassery. I hope you can use this reclamation party in the same way for your life and business.

Heart Talk Yoga

Turning the “Wrong” to Empowered “Rights”

“You can’t take no for an answer.” This is courtesy of one of my bosses, who happened to be an emotionally abusive woman. She would just throw that in my face whenever I disagreed with her reasoning, which just did not make sense to me. She would say, “You just can’t take no for an answer. What’s wrong with you?”

I honestly didn’t think that that was something that was wrong with me, and eventually, I realized that I was at the core unemployable. Now I don’t take no for an answer in my business, and it’s working very, very well for me, which means I keep looking for creative solutions, moving like water. The water finds its way.

“You are obsessive.” Maybe not such a common one, but also from my former boss to me. This basically meant that I went deep into the projects to make sure that they are up to snuff and to the level of excellence that I wanted to deliver. Now that I do it in my business, oh my gosh, this is just so good and sweet. Power reclaimed.

“You’re not behaving like a girl.” Anybody else heard that growing up? “You’re not acting like a girl. What are you wearing? Girls don’t wear that,” or, “Girls don’t say that,” or, “Girls don’t use that language,” or, “Girls don’t laugh so loud.” I heard that a lot growing up. “Don’t laugh so loud. Boys won’t like you and they won’t want to marry you.”

“You’re so disrespectful.” This is your super power of questioning authority. Because sometimes authority really doesn’t make sense. Using your own mind. Not being compliant. Little girl who’s so easy to manipulate. That doesn’t work so well for society, but it actually — guess what? — works very well for you.

So how about reclaiming that power? Just along with the super powers of dressing the way you want, talking the way you like, laughing the way you love.

Heart Talk Yoga

I love you. I’ll see you next week. Until then, stay in your heart.

About The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology at Sofia University

Since 1975, the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology at Sofia University has continued to be an international leader and pioneer, moving humanity forward in the areas of transpersonal research and transpersonal education. training clinicians, spiritual guides, wellness caregivers, and consultants who apply transpersonal principles and values in a variety of settings.  The Sofia educational model offers students not only a solid intellectual foundation, but an extraordinary opportunity for deep transformational growth and personal experience of the subject matter. How does Sofia University accomplish this? The university builds upon its strong, whole-person psychological foundation to give students a greater understanding of the human condition.

Learn more about our programs.

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